There are certain points during the day or week and even throughout the year that just make it harder to accept that life has changed. The places I struggled with initially were the places we would have gone together to: the supermarket, the garage and of course shops that we both would visit together. It felt odd as if I was missing something and of course my eyes would stray to couples holding hands, seeking each other’s advise or just walking side by side. I would hurry in and hurry out or simply not go there anymore. I honestly felt as if I had a neon sign above my head with a big arrow pointing down towards me with the words ‘Loser’ ‘Failure’ shining brightly for everyone to read. Life must go on though, and yes, time does make things easier but if you feel that you can’t move on, then you feel forever stuck in your isolated bubble, believing that you will be alone with that empty space shadowing you forever. So, I learnt some tricks that dimmed the neon light. They may appear silly and small things, but they started to work for me: When someone looked at me, I smiled even though I didn’t always feel like it. I changed the shopping bags I took to the shops because the old one’s reminded me of the past. I parked somewhere that I wouldn't have ordinarily parked to change my routine. I always bought one thing that was indulgent, not necessarily food but something just for me. I took my time and walked a different way around the shops. It wasn’t always easy, at times if I was in a hurry I would forget and fall back into old routines and habits but after a while, those old patterns started to fade, and new ones became the norm. Baby steps but each step took me closer to a new life and looking at everybody else, believing that they were all so much happier than me started to change. I just realised I was the one with the on/off switch to that neon light and I could turn it off whenever I wanted.